In Sole-egress, July 4th, 2019

The Unflinching Declaration of the Independent Digital Realm of Brandonia

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a citizen to absolve himself of all loyalty to an imposter posing as the executive of his government and to assume a position of open opposition to the edicts of the tyrant and hold himself responsible only to his own moral principles and to the laws established by the people of his land, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that he should declare the causes which impel him to the separation.

I hold these truths to be self-evident — that all people are born of equal status and value, and are endowed by the laws of their land and the social contract applicable to their culture with certain inalienable rights. That among these are life, liberty, health, safety, and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any government becomes destructive to these ends, or corrupt to the point that government of, by, and for the people becomes impossible, it is the right of a citizen to call for election of a new government. Relying on the principles hitherto set forth in the foundations of the laws of the land, the new governing officials should hold to the values of the people and make decisions which will best effect the safety and prosperity of the governed. Prudence still dictates that those governments long established should not be changed for light and transparent causes, and accordingly all history and experience testifies to the fact that the masses are more likely to suffer evils while they are sufferable than to make things right by actively exercising the conscientious control over their democracy granted them by their governing Constitution. But when a usurper is elected by nefarious means, with the help – bungled or not – of a hostile government, and pursues an agenda of values contrary to those identified as American by the majority of the citizenry, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw of such a usurper, and replace him and his supporters with representatives which will act faithfully to effect their interests within the bounds of the laws enacted by a properly elected Congress. Such has been the patient sufferance of myself and the majority of my countrymen since the illegitimate election of the current holder of the Presidency, and such is the necessity which constrains us to act now to secure the removal of the usurper and peaceably effect a regime change according to the rule of law established by our democracy. The history of the current administration is a history of injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Corporate Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has attempted to collude with hostile foreign governments in order to influence the outcome of his own general election.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.*

He has held the legislature hostage, shutting down the government lest they bend to his tyrannical will to build a ludicrous medieval wall on our southern border while doing nothing to secure the northern border.

He has refused to pass laws necessary for the equal protection and status of large groups of oppressed people throughout the states, and has demeaned them publicly in the manner of a bully.

He has obstructed justice at every turn by refusing to cooperate with federal prosecutors, firing members of his own cabinet when they’ve complied with the rule of law, and refusing to provide relevant tax records to the public.

He has nominated and bullied into a lifetime appointment an unqualified and probable rapist to the highest court of the land.

He has at all times tarnished the reputation of our people both at home and abroad with childish public rantings which eschew even the ideas of decency and statesmanship.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the laws of naturalization for foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither; thereby preventing political opposition to his agenda by the right and just rule of law established within our constitution.*

He has further obstructed justice by stacking his cabinet with only those people who will eschew the rule of law in order to enact his orders.

He has attempted to increase the size of our already inflated defense budget by creating a redundant branch of the armed services aimed at moving the theater of war into space, thereby robbing America’s children of the education they deserve, and her citizens of equal protection under the law by means of diverting public funds to these ends.

He has separated children from their families at the southern border and kept them in inhumane and unacceptable conditions using the rouse of national security as justification for his brutal tyranny.

He has affected to make the Executive branch independent of and superior to the system of Checks and Balances set forth in the Constitution.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of interfere with our democratic and lawful elections

For siding with bigots and neo-Nazis.

For protecting guilty law enforcement officials, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the minority races of these States

For endangering our reputation, trade, and national security around the world.

For imposing executive orders against the will of the people.

For reckless foreign policy maneuvers which bring us closer to our enemies and alienate us from our allies.

For assenting to the redrawing of congressional district for the sinister purpose of disenfranchising minority voters.

For ignoring the basic rule of law long established and held sacred in our country.

For refusing to come to the aid of a United States territory in times of crisis and denying the totality of the catastrophe suffered by the citizens there.

For misleading millions of Americans via an unhealthy and dangerous partnership with a national media outlet which overtly presses his agenda.

For racist, homophobic, xenophobic, fascist, and totalitarian rhetoric and executive actions.

For denying the reality of climate change and not only failing to act to protect humanity from its consequences, but actively working to advance the destruction of the planet’s ecosystem, thereby endangering the lives of all sovereign peoples everywhere.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us*, and has endeavored to incite the uneducated masses who sympathize with the former rebellious southern states, the merciless Savage Rednecks whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all civility, education, and betterment, along with open hate crimes.

In every stage of these outrageous acts, we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A President, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, and indeed a childish Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in appealing to our political enemies in the earnest hope that they will honor their conservative principles. At every turn, his supporters have shouted the moronic, thought-terminating mantra of his campaign. I still appeal to those who claim to uphold conservative values but support a being who has displayed every form of immoral character trait imaginable, however, the present political climate is one in which the label of the side one picks is more important than the principles one claims to uphold.

I, therefore, unwavering in my decision, do hereby declare my intention to see Donald Trump removed from office peaceably in 2020. That whatever means are necessary to effect the peaceful transition of power and remove the imposter from the Presidency will be employed should his opponent win a fair election against him. I also do hereby declare to work toward the removal from office and subsequent prosecution where appropriate of anyone who supported his reign these past four years.

~ Brandon M. Humphreys
Master of Arts
Bachelor of Arts in Education
Wizard and Sovereign Ruler of the Virtual Realm of Brandonia
Staff Sergeant, Washington Air National Guard
Red Belt in Tang Soo Do
Master Troubadour
Public Servant of the United States of America

Author’s Note:

Yeah, I just re-wrote the Declaration of Independence. Don’t worry, Jefferson would be okay with it. After all, he re-wrote The Bible. I encourage you to compare this version with the original document. You may be surprised how much I kept (the really important direct quotes are denoted with an *). This president is a dangerous, dangerous tyrant, guilty of at least as many offenses as King George III, and probably more. Let’s get rid of the bastard next November.