Get Me Out of Here!
It’s the end of day seven here at Chase Park Transduction in Athens, GA. We worked twelve-hour days for the first five days. We’ve been staying here at the studio, sleeping in lofts upstairs the entire time. In short, we’re kind of sequestered.
I don’t want to write about how the recording’s going. I don’t want to think about how the recording’s going. I want to go out and howl at the goddamn moon. I’m recently single and I want to go out for a good time.
My boys are fun and all, but two of them are essentially married and one is decidedly not in a place where he’s thinking about going out and tearing things up. In short, I’m on my own, and I’m broke until tomorrow night.
We have some things around the place to make things a bit more fun, but I seriously need to get the hell out of here tomorrow night. I’m going to find some trouble one way or another.
What Do I Want?
Right now? I want an adventure in a college town. Yes, I’m 41, but I’m not dead. Tomorrow I’m going to go out dancing, or to a show, or to a dive bar with a great jukebox. I’m going to walk the streets of Athens until I close down every bar in sight. I want to find a group of strangers and crash their night out. I want to chat it up with townies all night. In short, I just want to be in the middle of it. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not going out looking for some twenty-something to hook up with. But I am trying to meet new people and feel alive.
I’m here to record a great album, and I’ve been working my ass off toward that end. Tomorrow night is time for fun and adventure. And if none of the other guys want in on that, so be it. I’m here to have an experience, and by god, I’m gonna have one. I want tomorrow to be as spontaneous as possible. I’ve just got this one life, you see, and I want to live it to the fullest extent I can.
A Little Reflection (Lest You Think I’m Being Rash)
As I mentioned, I’m newly single after a couple of years and I think it’s best that way. My ex and I split up amicably, and we’ll probably be better friends now. I have a lot of processing to do, but I also had an idea of where I wanted my life to go before that relationship started, and though it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, my life had moved off of that path.
I started realizing that I’d drifted off course sometime around January. When my relationship started back in May of 2017, I had just lost nearly 80 pounds. I had a great job. I was starting to become more financially responsible and stable, and I had big plans for world travel and adventure. If you’d have asked me a month before then what the biggest problem with my life was, the word “girlfriend” would not have crossed my lips. My biggest problem in April of 2017 was that I was stuck living in a town that was two-and-a-half hours away from the rest of my life.
I had started working on putting habits in place to make myself the best version of me that I could possibly be. I was excited to try all sorts of new things. There wasn’t much of a routine to my life, other than work hours. In short, I was living deliberately before the relationship, and I let myself get lazy and complacent for about a year and a half. Now I’m back, though, and I’m better than ever before.
My ex and I started dating and things were fantastic for the first year or so—while everything was still long-distance and we didn’t actually have to be partners on anything. When I moved in, however, it became clear within six months that I wasn’t ready to live with someone else. I honestly don’t know how my ex feels about her part of things, and I wouldn’t speak for her even if I did.
I will speak to my own share of things, though. I could have been less prideful. I could have been more open and vulnerable. But none of that matters now. The reality is I don’t know if I ever really want an old-fashioned, “normal” relationship.
I hunger to be out on the town doing things most nights. I like to be around people and observe. Sure, I enjoy a quiet evening at home, too, but I can’t be shut in for too long.
I have a lot of shit I still want to do. If I can find someone who wants to do some of it with me, great. If not, I’ll do it anyway and just write about it. Now that I’ve got a good job again, and I’m free to roam a bit in the summer and on and holidays, I’m going to travel a lot. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the traveling I’ve already done in my life, it’s that one can almost always find fantastic company if one isn’t judgmental or closed-minded.
It’s also kind of fucked up how I’m in the middle of this entire amazing experience (but we’re not talking about recording today) and yet I can still be restless.
Nevertheless, here I sit, alone in a recording studio in a college town on a Thursday night. My boys are in bed, and I’m headed that way myself. Tomorrow night I’m going on a tear, though. Watch out, Athens. It’s Fearless Friday indeed. I’ll get y’all the SITREP as it develops. If you haven;’t done so yet, follow my Instagram feed and my new Snapchat account @brandoniasnap.
P.S. (sighs) Yes, I finally broke down and got a Snapchat account, but I have no idea what I’m even supposed to do with it yet. (Insert your best old-man/dad jokes here.)